


Midnight Grocery Runs are not Fun so Stop Smiling God Dam***

by orphan_account



Series: The Bookshelf: Undertale Gifts and Requests [5]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: 24/Hour Grocery Store, But Not Much, Fluff, LOTS OF CENSORED CURSING, Midnight Grocery Runs, Other, Reader is just too happy, Sans questions a lot of choices humans make, Underfell, a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-11 22:30:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7073089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A request from anon on Ao3.</p><p>A series of midnight grocery runs UF!Sans had to make. And you just had to be there to ruin his night by making it a little better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Midnight Grocery Runs are not Fun so Stop Smiling God Dam***

**Author's Note:**

> Yo this fic contains 140 asterisks to censor this skeletons fowl mouth. If you don't like that, don't read it.
> 
> If you do, enjoy because I sure did.
> 
> [Tumblr](http://doctorz.tumblr.com/)

"get some milk he demands," Sans grumbled. "there has to be a store open at three f***in' in the morning!"

The low purr of his car's engine did nothing to dispel his exhaustion and irritation; very reasonable emotions to have after being woken up at three am for a grocery store run. Honestly, the chances of a grocery store being open at this time that carried his special 'extra calcium' milk was so low Sans didn't even want to bother leaving his bed. He was sleeping da** it.

Three gas stations and one iHop later Sans gave up hope. Sure he might get yelled at when he got home, but it wasn't like he could pull milk out of his a**. He didn't even have an a**!

Then, a light at the end of the tunnel. A 24/hour grocery store lay before him in its unholy glory. While he had no idea why humans would need to get groceries at 3am, nor why anyone would want to work at that ungodly hour, he shrugged it off as some sort of blessing. A blessing a skeleton with Sans's track record did not deserve.

After parking illegally in a handicap parking spot (who the h*** is up at three am anyways?), the grumpy skeleton with bags under his eye sockets made his way into the store. The white lights seemed to burn for a second before his magical pupils could get used to them. Sans honestly didn't even have the energy to keep up his constant magical eye, so he didn't bother. F*** it, who was gonna see him anyway?

Sans glanced suspiciously and tiredly around the store to make sure some dumb a** wouldn't mug him before going to the freezer section in the back. The store was comparatively smaller than the other ones in the city, but he supposed something was better than nothing.

"okay milk," he mumbled under his breath, trailing his skeletal fingers over the selections. "lactose free, 2%, fat-free, why the f*** do humans have so much milk?"

Just as he was about to turn around and just give up, he caught sight of a red container, a little further back than the rest of the assorted milk. High calcium. F*** was it his god d*** birthday or something?

Grabbing the probably more than necessary expensive milk, he made his way to the cash register. He passed by the candy aisle on the way and grabbed a candy bar for himself. Unnecessary sure, but he deserved it for being so f****** saint like and going to the store at three f*****' am.

"Hello!" a cheerful voice called from out of nowhere, causing Sans to nearly drop the milk. "Are you ready to check out?"

Turning around from the strange display of photo frames with pictures of humans already in them, Sans faced an oddly smiley human. And honestly it kind of p***** him off.

"why're you so smiley?" he grunted, trying to regain his composure after being momentarily surprised.

"Well I am alive aren't I?" your laugh was oddly, genuine. "Isn't that reason enough?"

Sans was half tempted to tell him he could fix that for them, but he contained himself when he remembered how humans reacted to death threats. Pansies. "yeah sure. can i just pay and leave?"

"Of course! Right this way!" you grinned, leading him to the three check out areas. Only one, yours, was open, and you cheerily stepped behind it.

"here's my s***," Sans grunted, tossing the milk and the candy bar onto the small table next to the register. You didn't react, simply smiling and scanning his items.

"Did you have a good day?" you questioned, glancing up for a second after telling him his total.

"i'm up at three in the morning getting milk and candy, do you think I've had a good f****** day?" Sans growled, his eye light glowing a dull red.

"Now that I think of it that was a dumb question, sorry. I've been working since eight," you admitted with an awkward chuckle.

Sans just grunted, tossed the money on the small table, and left with his bags. He was way too tired to deal with happy people.

* * *

 

It was only a week later and Sans found himself at that small shop once again. This time at 1am. Papyrus required 'new enemies to demolish'; which roughly translated to more tomatoes to smash. Once again Sans, in the most passive aggressive way possible, parked in the handicap section. He didn't get 'towed and fined' last time, so why would it happen today?

"Back again are we?" you called, and Sans was not surprised to find you here again. Karma would not let up on him.

"yeah," he replied curtly before grabbing one of those handheld baskets and stomping over to the tomatoes. Apparently the 'Great and Terrible Papyrus' only accepted the best tomatoes but...Sans wasn't exactly the grocery shopper of the house. Except for late night visits that is.

"Need some help?" came your overly cheery voice from behind him, almost causing him to drop the tomato in his hand.

"s*** don't walk up on someone like that. you wanna f****** die?" he growled. His voice admittedly fluctuated at the beginning, ruining his rough exterior. S***.

"I feel like we've already had this conversation," you laughed before leaning toward the display. "As for the tomatoes..."

One comprehensive lecture on how to pick out tomatoes later, Sans was checked out and walking toward his car when he heard a shout from behind him.

"I hope you have a nice day tomorrow!"

F****** humans.

* * *

 

"Hello again!" came that dreaded voice from behind the cash register. Of f****** course it was you.

"why the f*** do you always work so late?" Sans exclaimed. "and how the h*** do you look so happy all the time?"

"Well you see-" you began, but Sans cut them off.

"that was rhetorical. you aren't suppose to actually answer it," Sans grumbled, grabbing the bowie noodles he was sent out to get. Why did humans have so many f****** types of noodles?

"Oh," you replied simply. No malice, no embarrassment, just a simple, cheerful, oh.

"yeah, now just take my money so i can go," Sans sighed. Without an answer he tossed the required money on the table and left with the pasta.

Strangely, even though he paid a dollar short, you didn't comment. Well may as well test this the f*** out.

* * *

 

The next day when he returned for eggs, he dropped a box on the ground. Sure he was being a piece of s*** but was that odd at all?

You just cheerfully cleaned up the mess while talking about a dog you met that day. In the end it only lead to his own suffering. F***, time to test something else.

* * *

 

The week after that when he returned he paid five dollars short, and even gave you a chance to intervene. You didn't.

This five dollars short thing continued for a few weeks. Every time you didn't comment, simply smiling and wishing him a 'good day.'

F***.

* * *

 

After this series of exchanges had been going on about a two months, Sans returned to find...another worker. He didn't even bother giving the guy a second glance. Where the f*** were you? Did you get fired because of him being a s***?

Wait since when did he care? F***.

* * *

 

It took about a week for him to get the balls to go back to that god da** grocery store, and there you were. Sure, you looked like s***, but you were there, that stupid grin permanently stuck on your face.

"oi where were you last week?" he demanded, not even bothering to grab his 'essential late night groceries'.

"Oh sorry, I had to attend a...family gathering," you said slowly. Your voice sounded rough.

"you look like s***," Sans stated rather bluntly. "so either that was a really bad family gathering, or it wasnt a family gathering."

You chuckled humorlessly. "Never thought you one to care."

"i'm not but I don't like being lied to."

"Fine I was at a funeral," you admitted, sighing and running a hand through your hair. And for that moment, that one, small moment, your smile dropped. For that moment Sans saw how sad you really were. But when that moment ended that smile was right back on. Oh no you don't you little f***.

"why the h*** are you acting so god da** happy then?" Sans nearly shouted, throwing his hands about for extra emphasis.

"Well sometimes being happy is the only thing you can do to make sure you're not sad," you responded bluntly.

Sans left without the noodles he was supposed to get.

* * *

 

The next week he returned you were a bit more quiet than usual. You did say hello, but it was much less spirited than usual. And to put it bluntly, Sans felt like s*** for calling you s***.

"listen i'm uh, only gonna say this once but...sorry," he grumbled.

"Why?" you questioned, pure curiosity in your voice. Da** did you have to be so nice?

"i mean, i guess you're kinda right. just kinda, not entirely. i just don't get it ya know?" Sans admitted, a small red blush growing on his face. "bein happy like that. its weird."

You were quiet for a moment, and he almost thought you were going to throw him out. And then you said the most unexpected thing. And he expected a lot. "You know, I could teach you. To be happy that is. If you want."

"....sure."

 

**Bonus:**

"by the way why did you let me steal s***?"

"Oh I just started charging you just a bit more than it actually was. So really, you weren't stealing."

"you f*****."

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I had way too much fun with this.


End file.
